Wow, I was looking through my computer and going through old files.  I came across this long "editorial" or whatever you want to call it. I don't think I've ever posted this, so here it is. Keep in mind that while I still feel the same way, a lot has changed in my life since I wrote this circa 2005.  I'm not in a band right now, I don't eat ramen/Campbell's soup (because they usually have MSG), and I'm actually sick of being poor. I'm going back to school in the fall and trying to do the "real job" thing.  Anyway, here it is:

Women in Rock, Groupies in Rock
As a female musician, I've always had a majority of males being my closest friends. Sure, I have hundreds of girl friends, but they're mostly acquaintances. It's been like that since I was in high school and it confused the hell out of my parents (how many guys are you dating? you're not dating them? but why do you hang out so much? how can you guys be so close if you're not "together"?)

Truth is, I can't understand how most females look at life. I don't hate. I just can't RELATE.  I can't relate to their attitudes towards certain things. This didn't really come to light for me until I became a part of the Baltimore local music scene.

While I was focusing my entire life on music - turning down good jobs because it wouldn't fit with the band's schedule, living off ramen and campbell's soup, and still driving the same 93 volvo I've had since I was sixteen (but loving it because the means justified the ends),  other females who swear their entire life is about music, but who mean that in a totally different way and haven't put any sacrifice into it, makes me not understand them.

I've lived and breathed music my entire life. I've always used the saying that I'm better at expressing myself with music than with words since I learned to read music before I learned to read English. I was so young when I started out that I don't even remember the learning process. While everyone else in school was going to the mall all the time, going to dances, or getting stoned every day, my life was totally different. I was taking piano lessons, theory lessons, group lessons. I missed very few days of school due to illness;  the majority of the school I missed was because I had some competition or judging to attend. I've performed more often as a classical musician than I have in any rock  band I've been in, and I've played probably around 100 shows in rock bands. There were times where it bothered me that I was missing out on the social aspect of growing up. The overwhelming majority of my friends were all people who were in our circle of pianists. And while that was the reason I gave up being in music school, I don't regret having been in it because I knew I was focusing on something richer. Something that I loved. Something that had meaning.

So when I became a part of the Baltimore local music scene a few years ago, I slowly got more and more annoyed by things.  I got annoyed at girls who claimed that music was their life.  Music wasn't their life!  Hanging on to the hot band of the moment and trying to date a member of the band was their goal. I'm not talking about girls whose friends are mostly guys in bands and so by default, of course they're going to end up with guys in bands more often than not. It's those girls whose "passion" and "focus" in life is to chase down anyone in any band and to get "close" to them for superficial reasons. Those girls who, if a non-musician were to do something to her or have a certain lifestyle, immediately break up with and call a jerk. But if it's someone who's a local celebrity, it's not even an issue. It's those girls who are obsessed with darker music, so they dress "goth", but then when that's not what's big in the scene, they suddenly and overnight become an emo kid. I could never relate why a girl would focus their life on chasing down musicians when if they put even half that energy into starting their own band, they would probably fill whatever void they're trying to fill. And then they'd be fighting off their own guys who want them! I can't relate to these girls at allllll. I can't understand anyone whose only "passion" in life is who they are going to get with. They don't have any hobbies, talents, or real interests in anything of substance. It's fine to want to be with someone. But if that's all your life is about, there's something missing. Besides, what do you really have to offer someone if you don't have a good personality and traits of your own?

I know this is not all females in the music scene here, but the truth is it's definitely the overwhelming majority. I always hear girls talk about how badly they want to be in a band. But they have no dedication to it. If they actually end up to the point of being in a band, they don't want to put the work and complete sacrifice that goes into it. They don't want to be a musician, they want to be recognized. There's a difference.

It's like what Oprah Winfrey said once in one of her shows. When she was starting out and was a local news anchor, she told her agent she wanted to be an actress. And her agent said to her No, you don't want to be an actress. You want to be a celebrity. There's a difference. Do you really want to live in New York as a waitress making crappy money while constantly going to auditions and getting turned down? And Oprah said she realized her agent was right and that she stopped focusing on that. Because she realized that who she is now is what her dream was all along. That was what she loved focusing her life on at that time.  But back then, there wasn't much fame in it.